Things You Shouldn't Say to Someone Whose Been In An Abusive Relationship.

17 Oct 2020


2020 isn't even over yet and already it's been a year that none of us will forget in a hurry. From Billy Joe Saunders teaching people how to properly punch their girlfriends in the face back in March, prank abuse videos on Tiktok to the worldwide pandemic that sparked a high rise in domestic violence cases - it's easy to say that we never know what is happening behind closed doors.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I wanted to raise awareness in my own way by writing this post and to highlight in the picture taken that there is more than one type of abuse so when someone speaks about being in an abusive relationship to consider that there are so many different factors involved and you may not know what abuse they've suffered or are suffering from. 

Both Coronation Street and Eastenders in recent months hit headlines with their storylines involving Domestic Violence and it's not the first time these soaps have embraced such hard-hitting topics. From Tyrone Dobbs Corrie abuse story in 2006 and dating right back to Little Mo and Trevor in Eastenders in 2001, these soaps have once again brought us to the edge of our seats and behind the doors into Chantelle and Grey Atkins relationship and Yasmeen and Geoff Metcalfes. 

I recently got into a new relationship and ofcourse I made a joke about making it "Facebook Official" like the young ones! Sitting in Tim Hortons my phone buzzed, he'd put it up whilst sitting beside me. Laughing whilst I read the "in a relationship with" status, my smile couldn't have gotten any bigger. That was that or so I thought it would be. I didn't tell family or friends as being honest I was in a little happy bubble, I sent a quick text to my sister telling her to check Facebook and I thought that would be it. This is the first relationship since the other one and I was going at my own pace and thought I'll tell my bestie and mum that night.

I didn't send out an SOS, I didn't text or ring my family and friends because let's be honest I'm an adult, we all have so much more going on in the world, does anyone actually care? But.. it shocked me as there were those close to me who felt the need to remind me I'd been in an abusive relationship and point out "hopefully this one treats you better" or "you'll not allow this one to treat you badly" as if it is something we "allow" to happen to ourselves. There was also the fact a member of my family decided to click onto my new boyfriends Facebook and search through everything on it to make sure "this one doesn't seem like the other" Because.. abusers are so open with their actions and intentions. 

It's for this reason I've decided to write Things You Shouldn't Say to Someone Whose Been In An Abusive Relationship. 

1) "Why didn't you just leave?" 

It is so insensitive and rude to imagine someone just freely being able to walk out the door and leave but there are so many aspects and struggles you may not know or think about. The abuser could have threatened family, friends and even children. It can take years to build the courage to leave or to build the strength to even contemplate looking forward to a future without abuse. 

2) "It can't have been THAT bad" 

Not everyone talks openly about the abuse they suffered, it is all down to the individual. Whatever information someone trusts you with? Remember it's taken a lot for them to open up and tell you even a small part of what they've been through and if they never tell you? Don't assume it wasn't bad.

3)  "They seemed so nice"

They did! We know they did,  on the outside, in public, and with others especially those closest to us. Saying this almost makes it sounds like you disbelieve someone was abusive. Listen and support. They may have been a well-respected part of the community, had a well-paid job. It means nothing. 

4) "Hopefully the next will treat you better"

When my relationship ended, the last thing on my mind was meeting a new partner. I was too busy trying to build my life back up and grow my confidence back to even mull over the "next one" I didn't want a next one, I wanted to feel safe going to the shop or into town.

5) "It's normal to fight"

When it's not a two-way fight or disagreement then it is not okay. Whilst we're on the topic what is normal? 

6) "Did that really happen?" 

Whether you say this in disbelief or not, yes it really happened. Don't question if it did, we've probably overthought it into different scenarios putting ourselves down that perhaps if we'd said something different, or waiting longer to speak then what really happened.. wouldn't have.
7) "They took you away though" 

Gifts, treats and even nights away are often signs of a guilty conscience. It's their way of glueing over the cracks, making their victim believe they'll get better, until the next time where the cycle repeats..  

8) "I always sensed there was something about them" / "Name always knew they were off" 

If you did, good for you! I'm sorry I wasn't as quick as you to work it out even though you'd only met them twice and we're so nice to our faces. Remember if you've met someone a couple of times at a wedding or family gathering, you don't know them. Not really, especially if you're not close to the victim to recognise the signs of behaviour changing. 

Those 8 things have all been said to me and there's not a day that goes by I don't think about that abusive relationship with anger or sadness but repeatedly bringing up someones past to them when they are healing and trying to forward with their life doesn't help. It drags them back to a place they're fighting to get away from. 

If you are suffering and need someone to talk to, please use one of the helplines or websites below. 

Women's Aid


0808 808 8000


Helpful Information: 

Abuse Talk: 

Abuse talk have a podcast, forum and also host a weekly talk on Twitter every Wednesday from 8-9pm. Use the hashtag #AbuseTalk to join in with others and check out their Twitter HERE.

What do you think of this post? Have you been in an abusive relationship and had some negative things said to you? Let me know in the comments below. 
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The Ultimate No Fear Halloween Watchlist

9 Oct 2020


When it comes to Halloween, I appear sometimes to be the only one that is a scaredy-cat amongst my family and friends! Horror and thriller movies are what I try to avoid as best I can as I like being able to sleep at night and not worried the bogey man is gonna try and kidnap me! When the trailers on TV advertise a scary movie coming soon to the cinema or TV channels introducing their Halloween run-up I quickly close my eyes or change the channel... then take deep breaths! 

This post contains affiliate links which means if you click and make a purchase on one of the links/banners I receive a small amount at no extra cost to you. 

This year things are looking very different - children will not be trick or treating so no need to worry if you have enough sweets to give out, there will be no parties to attend except celebrating with those in the same household with you or having a virtual one via zoom and there will certainly be no dunking for apples. 

It's for these reasons I decided to write The Ultimate No Fear Halloween Watchlist, so sit back, relax and watch some Halloween themed movies or TV shows with a bowl of popcorn to forget the world around you for a couple hours.

- Practical Magic - 

- Mean Girls - 

- Hocus Pocus - 
- Casper -

- The Twilight Saga - 

- Beetlejuice - 

- Hotel Transylvania - 

- The Addams Family - 

- Vampire Journals - 

- Monsters Inc - 

For anyone that tells me Mean Girls isn't a Halloween movie there is Halloween featured in it and Regina George has to be as frightening as some killers in horror movies. The Vampire Journals is a movie I watched for the first time over 10 years ago after the Twilight phenomenon hit and it is not what I expected but it's still as scary as I'll get! 

- Pretty Little Liars -

- The Vampire Diaries - 

- Chilling Adventures of Sabrina - 

- Riverdale - 

- Shadowhunters - 

- Good Witch - 

- The Originals - 

- Killing Eve - 

All the series I've mentioned above are perfect if you're looking for something longer than a couple hours or less if you want to relax and watch a 30 minute episode! Killing Eve is a show I'm addicted to if you haven't watched it - you should!! Jodie Comer's one-liners make it everything, you can't help but laugh at times even after her drastic actions! 

The majority of these movies/shows can be found on Netflix, NOW TV and even Amazon video to rent/buy or watch for free if you have Prime.

What do you think of my list? What's your favourite Halloween of seasonal film/TV show? Let me know below. 
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Hello October - A New Look, A Could-List and Plans Ahead

5 Oct 2020


Hii October! Can you believe we're on our fifth day of the tenth month in 2020? I'm hoping we can all make the most of the last few months and really enjoy them so please October if you're listening! Throw some positive vibes over the world!

September has been and went, the weather is slowly changing and the nights are getting darker. I've since dug out my hot water bottle, extra fleecy blankets and invested in an Autumnal duvet set. Although I never got anywhere near as much blogging as I'd hoped done, I know this month I will as Octobers one of my favourites!

It is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and OCD Awareness Week 11-17th, two very important topics I want to highlight this month in some way. There is also Halloween to look forward to and my sisters birthday at the end of the month and I'm currently organising a little afternoon tea for her with just my mum and I. 

I had planned on writing a post on the first but when I kept coming back to my blog I wasn't enjoying it. The layout, the design, and even my motivation was lacking with everything that's going on and the unsurety of it all. It's for that reason I decided to give Voluptuous Chatterbox a little bit of a makeover. I've added some changes and everything spaced out and not all thrown on the screen like two sidebars. It kept me busy and my mind actively distracted for about three days which was what I needed. What do you think of it? 

Every month I set myself "could-do" lists instead of To do to ease the pressure of myself if I don't complete certain tasks I've added on and this month is no different. I've included below things I hope to accomplish. 

- I may tackle my bedroom and give it a repaint - 

- I'm going to paint the skirting boards in my hallway -

- Carve a pumpkin (something simple which I didn't do last year but wanted to)

- Do a Halloween inspired outfit or makeup look - 

- Try pumpkin spiced latte! - 

- Take a walk in the crisp, cold air and enjoy the changing seasons - 

- Bake some spooky treats - 

- Read a Halloween themed short story or book (I'm behind on my reading goals) -

- snuggle on the sofa under blankets with popcorn and watch a movie (Hocus Pocus or Practical Magic for sure) - 

- Make some quick and easy Halloween crafts to display - 

That is it! 10 things I'd like to do this month! 

What do you like most about October? Is there anything you're looking forward to? Let me know below!

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Hello September - 12 Things You Can Do If You're Not Feeling The Autumn Months

1 Sep 2020


Can you believe it's September already? Autumn officially starts on September 22nd but it's okay if you're starting it early like me. 

I'm excited to dig out my woolly hats and also my burgundy dress (as you can see on Instagram HERE) that I wore on a night out weekend just past. I'm  also looking forward to enjoying a hot chocolate from a Miss Bohemia mug or planning a Halloween outfit. Even if there's no going out this year I'm still planning an outfit and full makeup look as it's one of my favourite times of the year. There's also cosy movie nights in, extra blankets and hot water bottles.

Autumn lets us remember the many things that are important and we're grateful for, it's the prettiest season in my opinion with all the leaves changing but there's also the downside.. the days are shorter, nights longer/darker. If you struggle with the upcoming months then check out my list below of 12 things you can do to bring a little brightness back into your day. 

1) Revamp your wardrobe - prepare and plan outfits, do a little shopping! (Primark Scarves will be out soon! *Fingers crossed*

2) Have a relaxing bubble bath, light some tealights and grab a feel good book! 

3) Enjoy a movie night in with friends, a partner, family or even by yourself! Means you don't have to share your snacks then! 

4) Have an Autumn theme photoshoot? It's less expensive than it sounds! I usually plead with my sister to take my pictures! 

5) Go for a walk in the fresh air and stand on the crunchy leaves as you go. 

6) Treat yourself to a hot chocolate or your favourite warm drink.

7) Get crafty - you don't even have to use alot of money for it. Colouring-in helps you relax, you could even try making your own Christmas cards. The Works and Poundland always have cheap but amazing quality items available. Or why not start a bullet journal?

8) Jump in puddles! You are never too old!

9) Plan a romantic night away or even a fun trip with your bestie. 

10) Change up your space and redecorate. Home Bargains always have modern, little items to include in your home.

11) Light some spicy candles - have a look for some new scents. If you're like me then the month ahead will be spicy and cinnemon. 

12) Start planning Christmas - Sometimes it's good to start planning a little early to prepare yourself from rushing. I know I'm starting my Christmas planning this month as well or plan some trips for the months you enjoy. I find it helps having something to look forward to.

Do you enjoy the coming months? What's one thing you do to enjoy the darker days? Let me know in the comments below! 

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A Birthday Weekend Full of Cocktails

27 Aug 2020

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This weekend past I celebrated my twenty-seventh birthday.. enter big deep thoughts then basically me shutting them up with cocktails! 

On Friday I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in six months due to lockdown and honestly it was a great night to catch up on each other's lives and everything that's been happening with us! We chose to meet at Benedict's for dinner and some cocktails and the food was delicious... except the cheesecake but that's only because as it was my first time trying it and I am not a fan! If you love cheesecake, you'll enjoy it! The texture was just not for me! 

My dinner: 

Starter: Cheesy Garlic Bread
Main: Side of Mash, chunky chips and vegetables
Dessert: Malteser and Honeycomb Cheesecake 
Cocktails: Strawberry Daiquiri x a few, Pink Panther & Fruit Blast 

I'm really looking forward to the next time we meet up and hopefully it's not so long this time around. Look at that daiquiri though? Isn't it lush looking!  

* * * * *

On Sunday the day of my birthday, my mum took me out to a restaurant I love, Romas! Again choosing Strawberry Daqs as they're my favourite! The food here is always mouth-watering and I had an absolute blast, with it being just the two of us. Again I opted for my usual mash, chunky chips and veg!

I know I should start checking out other options available but when you find something you love, it's nice to stick with it! It was so quiet and definitely a good time we chose to go.

My lunch: 

Starter: Cheesy Garlic Bread
Main: Mash, Chunky chips and vegetables 
Dessert: Chocolate Brownie with Ice-Cream
Cocktails: Strawberry daiquiri 

I did manage to fit in a chippy with my Dad on the Saturday of course! It appears my whole weekend was filled with good food, company, and amazing cocktails! I have a feeling being twenty seven isn't going to be as bad as I initially thought. 

Check out the outfit I'm wearing with my new yellow blazer on Instagram HERE and also my first ever reel HERE

What do you think of the cocktails and food? How did you spend your weekend? Let me know in the comments below! 
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Something Wickedly Fashionable This Way Comes! The Perfect Halloween Accessory.

18 Aug 2020


Halloween may not be till October but that doesn't mean we can't prepare early. I started making these last month and am so excited to share as they're now available on Etsy! (With FREE UK Delivery)

Whether you are dressing up, attending a virtual or socially distanced gettogether these may be the perfect little accessory for you. I've always loved Halloween since I was a little girl and struggled every year whether to go as a cat or a witch! I always opted for the witch! Something about the hat, red lips, and bright greens or reds just pulls me in!

No matter your choice though, these will go great with a costume or as everyday wear and are light and comfortable to wear. 

Check them out below: 

Ghost Earrings / £2.50 
Check out HERE

Pumpkin Earrings / £2.99 
Check out HERE 

Witch Earrings / £2.50 
Check out HERE

Vampire Fang Earrings / £2.99
Check out HERE

What do you think of the earrings? Do you like Halloween? Let me know below! 

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A Datey Date To Remember - Bowling & Crazy Golf

15 Aug 2020


On Tuesday I had a date where I went Ten Pin Bowling then onto play crazy golf which I'm still smiling about whilst writing this post as I had so much fun and hope to do it again soon..

We opted for the Dundonald Ice-Bowl and I was so pleased with everything they had set up in place regarding social distancing and also witnessing myself after a family had left how thorough they are cleaning everything used making me feel more comfortable and relaxed in the space around me. The customer service was excellent and I would encourage you if you're local to go and check it out for yourself and show support to the local places around us. Not just that but when you go Crazy Golfing be sure to pick up a loyalty card and for every 4 stamps, you earn a free 18 hole game to enjoy! If that's not reason enough I don't know what is.

For a week or two before though I was running my mouth telling L I was going to beat him and win... it's quick to say that didn't happen and he won... all games. *rolls eyes* I'm blaming it on the fact it's been roughly 10+ years since the last time I played and he just got lucky.. I'll win next time! Also, I was wearing flats which made me feel so tiny when I usually wear boots.. height must matter in bowling. 

As you can tell from the scores I need a lot of practice and even if he was the best cheerleader for saying 'you got this' every time to me 'cause I definitely didn't. He on the other hand was actually really good even providing tips and techniques I should try. (We'll keep it between us I said that)

The crazy golf I enjoyed so much more mainly due to the moving around and it was something I've wanted to try for many years - definitely not down to the many sexual innuendos I was saying that was keeping me entertained or that I got the ball in the hole first time, excitedly on the one he said he struggled with which resulted in me jumping like an idiot on the spot! I also managed to hit the ball in the water, the bushes, and nowhere near where it was meant to. But.. next time! Right? We decided on the 36 holes but when he mentioned it entailed two hours on our feet I was not amused though it's true what they say... time flies when you're having fun. Even in new shoes. 

This is the first-ever real fun date I've had in my dating history that wasn't lunch or coffee and although I love those dates because of Timbits and pizza. This was honestly the best date I've been on that allowed me the opportunity to break out of my comfort zone, let go, and honestly get lost in the moment. I can't recommend enough to others - Have a fun date! Laugh your butt off and allow yourself to jump on the spot, smile like a goof, and loosen up! You won't have the awesome company I did. But it'll be worth it.

What do you think of these two ideas for a date? Have you been on any dates post-lockdown? Are there any date ideas you recommend I try? Let me know in the comments below.

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