It’s October 31st and I didn’t want this month to pass without addressing Domestic Violence Awareness month and how even after leaving an abusive relationship there are lasting effects that can remain.
It wasn’t until August this year that I felt less alone in how I’d been feeling, I was talking to a friend one night and it was a topic we’d never talked about before. She was sharing how certain things still affected her and I was replying with a nod when inside I was breaking because I wasn’t alone in how I’d often feel or my reactions to situations.
When you leave an abusive relationship there are many that assume you’ll be back to your “old self in no time” although from the trauma or abuse you’ve suffered it can be a long path ahead to feel anything like you did as you’ve been so used to this new way of having to live.
Read “Things You Shouldn’t Say To Someone Whose Been In An Abusive Relationship“
I’m speaking from my experience in this regard, everyone’s circumstances are different, at the beginning of 2022 I set out to laugh in the places I once cried and I started writing this whilst in a place I had bad memories because of that past relationship.
I also believe the anxiety attack I took two nights ago was in relation to this because sometimes it’s hard to stop your thoughts from going to places or memories you don’t want them to.
It’s for this reason I’ve decided to write 5 Ways I’m Still Affected After an Abusive Relationship
1) Loud voices or shouting make me put my head down straight away and I sit so still as to not draw attention to myself. I almost hold my breath at times in anticipation of waiting for what’s going to happen before I have to tell myself that not every loud voice or shout is a negative one or aimed at me.
2) I overexplain EVERYTHING, if asked a simple question I will explain every detail I possibly remember and continue to say “I think” or “as far as I’m aware” because if I got it wrong I don’t want anyone to think I’ve hidden anything or kept anything back.
3) Asking for permission is something I still find myself doing at times because it can be scary when you’ve had no control over all control and perhaps are scared of choosing something or buying something that someone would rather you didn’t but then I have to remember it’s me choosing and me buying it so the choice is mine.
4) Constantly try to defuel any disagreement or situation before there is one by replying always that “it’s okay, don’t worry about it” as soon as I’ve asked a question because I always needed to be aware and sometimes I forget I don’t need to be anymore.
5) I over apologise no matter what, even if I know I’ve not done anything or things were out of my control I apologise so many times.
If you are suffering and need someone to talk to, please use one of the helplines or websites below.
Women’s Aid
https://www.womensaid.org.uk | https://www.womensaidni.org/
Lifeline:
https://www.lifelinehelpline.info/
0808 808 8000
Nexus: https://nexusni.org/
Helpful Information:
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/
Abuse Talk:
Abuse talk have a podcast, forum and also host a weekly talk on Twitter every Wednesday from 8-9pm. Use the hashtag #AbuseTalk to join in with others and check out their Twitter HERE.
What do you think of this post? Is there anything I’ve said you can relate to? Let me know in the comments below.
